I Feel Like I Don't Belong To Them Anymore =(

I don't know why am I feeling like that.
Have been skipping all the CF(Christian Fellowship) meetings since I first joined...In fact,I'd only been to their Welcome Day and then......
Aihz...The 1st two times were due to my group assignments...
And now,I feel like I'm merely seeking all sort of excuses just to skip it...
That's why these questions were starting to cross my mind...

"Am I really belong to them,UTAR Christian Fellowship?"
"But why do I feel sooo left out?"
"Was it a mistake to join them?"
"What's my role there?"

Am currently chating with Kay Jin,telling him that I've Melancholia,and his reaction was...
"Really?You melancholic?"

Now I really think I'm melancholic...
Joining CF is what I wanted to do since looooooong ago.Having no CF in my high school crashed my desire.Seeing all my friends around in church joining CF's,getting involved in them...I was so envious.How I wished my school had a CF.
My big break came when I stepped into UTAR ,I thought.UTAR CF was so unfamiliar to me.I barely even know who to find just to sign up yet I was seeking all around for somebody to at least get me into CF.I knew I was sooo desperate for CF at that time and it my heart,there're this strong determination that...
"I WANNA JOIN CF!!!"



But these strong feelings eased...
I started questioning myself even just after a month I joined the society.
"It's not just a society!It's also a tunnel of relationship to God!"
It's God who brought me so far.Maybe it's just some dilemmas that everyone will go through in their lives.
I must admit that I haven't been getting closer to God since I came here to PJ,for studies.
I'm regretting already.

To my Heavenly Father,
"Draw me close to You...
Never let me go...
I lay it all down again...
To hear You say that I'm Your friend...

You are my desire...
No one else will do...
Cause nothing else could take Your place...
To feel the warmth of Your embrace...
Help me find the way...
Bring me back to You...

You're all I want...
You're all I've ever needed...
You're all I want...
Help me know You are near..."