I Had A Dream

I had a dream last night. Bad dream.

Not inspired, but terrified.

Maybe it was my attitude.
I remembered I was half way through my research notes.


They had a meeting.
No, we had a meeting.
I saw all my group members for the shoot.
Some seemed friendly, some seemed not.
The friendly ones did not smile to me not even for a second.
I sensed pressure. I sensed danger.

The meeting ended, but I could not hear what they has discussed.
I was putting on a bitter face.
All a sudden everyone started starring at me.
I saw people pointing at me.
They were obviously very unhappy with me.
Some liked me and wanted to help me but in vain.
I was terrified.

Then, I could start hearing their voices.
'Miki will be eliminated, afterwards!'
It was stressful.
I felt like what the Survivor felt in the reality show.
It's like waiting to be chopped in the tribal council yet you can no longer save yourself.
I started weeping, yelling.
I did not know why I lost control.
I ran to those I was close with.
They lowered their heads with disappointment.
I yelled at one of them,
"I was doing my job last night! I really was doing!
I read them in detailed and I scaled them out!
I did my job!
It's almost finished!
Wait for a while! Just Wait for a little while more!"
I knew they wanted so much to help me, yet they could not do anything.
I was devastated.
I had no idea what to do at all.
I dashed straight to the head of the group,
starring at him in tears.
I yelled at him,
"I tried! I tried so hard!
What do you do this to me?
How can you do this to me?!"
He answered,
"You're no longer useful.
You're no longer powerful."

I broke down,
knowing that I would have to work alone after that.
I wanted so much to be in the group.
I did not wanna quit at all!
I saw no hope.
And

I was awake.

I was terrified, truly terrified.